I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
