dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
