Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
