We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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