Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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