Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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