i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
