I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
