you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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