Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
