it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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