My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
