You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
