Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
