Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
