Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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