So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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