Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
