R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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