I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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