Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize