Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
