I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
