Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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