is wine microwaveable?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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