you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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