my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
