Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
