But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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