I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize