Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
