just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
