He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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