you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
