Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
