that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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