"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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