How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
