Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
