youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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