if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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