We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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