i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
