I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
