There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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