No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
