You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize