I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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