I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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