all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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