I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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