You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
