1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
