Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
