wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
