Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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