Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you had me at cake vodka
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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