Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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