I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
