We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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