I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
