I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
