I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
