Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
