What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
