We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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