Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
