i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
