you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
